Joey, have you ever been in a Venezuelan prison?

Something to avoid. But if you do end up on the inside, try to get your hands on a cell phone. This way you'll be able to reach the national penal system director direct.

Same Tape I've Had for Years

In the greatest of his dance performances to be preserved on film—the made-for-television "T.A.M.I." show, of 1964 (in which he stole the thunder from the headline act, an up-and-coming British band called the Rolling Stones, leaving Mick Jagger to complain that it was his greatest mistake ever to follow James Brown)—he hurls himself about, a frenetic dynamo, feet blurring, sweat flying, arms pumping, hairdo collapsing. He is the image of abandon, yet his precision remains absolute, his equilibrium is never shaken, there is no abandon. Even at his most unleashed, he moves like a captive of his body, frantic to shake free, and coming closer than one might have imagined possible.

Philip Gourevitch
"Mr. Brown: On the Road with His Bad Self"
The New Yorker
July 29, 2002

Mr. Dynamite Himself (he got the cape idea from Gorgeous George)

Rules

I know, last week's visit to The Baptist College of Florida was supposed to be the Land Without Bread's final campus tour, but this is a fucking motherlode. Clearwater Christian College's student handbook, called simply The Guide (pdf), is so comprehensive in its fundamentalist effort to micro-manage students' lives, we're going to have to look at it in installments. This week we'll do the dress code. Next week, some other crazy ass shit. Let us skip over the exegesis on the two principles of dress—modesty and propriety—and go to the specific guidelines.

First, selected readings from the men's dress code, 2006-2007:

SUNDAY DRESS
Note:
• No boldly colored or mismatched outfits may be worn for Sunday dress.
• Ties must be tightened and close to the neck. Ties should not be removed or lowered until after the noon meal on Sunday.

CASUAL DRESS
Note:
• Pants should not be sagging. Pants must be worn so that underwear is not showing.

ATHLETIC DRESS
Note:
• Swimsuits must be conservative and of a boxer style.
• Swimsuits must be long enough so that the bottom of the shorts is within three inches of the top of the knee when standing.
• Men are required to wear shirts at all times except while at the beach.

Guidelines for wearing shorts:
• Shorts may be worn at the beach for games and activities. Shorts may also be worn on the soccer field or in the gymnasium when participating in activities, or when running, biking, and/or roller-blading.
• Men may wear cargo or khaki style shorts to the knee to outdoor athletic events on the CCC campus only. This does not apply to away games. Men may also wear cargo or khaki style shorts to watch home soccer games. They may also wear shorts to volleyball games when the volleyball games are running concurrently with a soccer game. In this situation, men may also visit the Café wearing appropriate shorts. This privilege ends when soccer season ends.
• Shorts may be worn when in direct transit to participate in an off-campus athletic event, but should a stop be required, pants should be worn over the shorts.
• Shorts may be worn to and from the gym or athletic fields and/or from the dorm to jog off campus.

Note:
• Shorts must be long enough so that the bottom of the shorts is within three inches of the top of the knee when standing.
• Athletic shorts, board shorts or Biker shorts are not acceptable attire for outdoor athletic events.
• Appropriate shorts may be worn in an off campus job if required by employer. If shorts are worn to work they may be worn to a restaurant to eat during work hours only.

Other Appearance Guidelines:
• Men must be clean-shaven daily. Married students may wear neatly trimmed beards. They must be fully grown in by the start of the fall semester. The administration reserves the privilege of asking any student to trim his beard.
• Sideburns may come no lower than the middle of the ear.
• Thickness and height of hair should not be extreme.
• Hair must be above eyebrows, ears, and the collar
• No extreme hair coloring or bleaching is permitted.
• Men are not permitted to wear necklaces, bracelets, or earrings. “Livestrong-type” bracelets are not considered jewelry. Those enrolled or enlisted in ROTC may wear their dog tags under their shirts.
• Men are not permitted to acquire tattoos while enrolled in CCC.
• Body piercings are not permitted, including earrings.

Note:
• Hairstyles deemed inappropriate will not be permitted.
• If a student gets a tattoo prior to coming to CCC, the administration reserves the right to require he keep the tattoo covered if visible.
• Hats or caps should never be worn to class, chapel, or meals.
• The only writing permitted on shirts is brand names and designer logos. No slogans are permitted. Shirts deemed inappropriate will not be permitted.

Second, selected readings from the women's dress code, 2006-2007:

CASUAL DRESS
Note:
• If clothing is molded to the body with no loose fabric, the garment is too tight.

ATHLETIC DRESS
Note:
• Swimsuits must be one-piece and modest for wearing at the beach, pools, or on the Paden sundeck
• When traveling to and from activities, pants and t-shirts must be worn over swimsuits.
• Shorts and a tank top may be worn for sunbathing only ( in place of a bathing suit), BUT may not be rolled or removed at any time.

Guidelines for wearing shorts:
• Shorts may be worn at the beach for games and activities. Shorts may also be worn on the soccer field or in the gymnasium when participating in activities, or when running, biking, and/or roller-blading
• Shorts may be worn when in direct transit to participate in an off campus athletic event, but should a stop be required, pants should be worn over the shorts.
• Shorts may be worn to and from the athletic fields or gym. Shorts may also be worn from the dorm to jog off campus.

Note:
• Shorts must be long enough so that the bottom of the shorts is within three inches of the top of the knee when standing.
• Athletic shorts, board shorts or Biker shorts are not acceptable attire for outdoor athletic events.

Other Appearance Guidelines:
• Hair should be feminine in style. Hair should not be extreme in color or style and should not be spiked. Hairstyles deemed inappropriate will not be permitted.
• Jewelry should not be extreme or excessive. Other than the ears, no body piercings are permitted.
• Dress in private homes needs to be modest. Appropriate dress would be skirts, loose-fitting jeans, capris or pants that meet our dress requirements. Rules regarding swimming attire are always in affect.
• Robes and nightwear are not permitted outside the residence hall units.
• All dresses and skirts must be below the bottom of the knee when the student is standing and must be loose fitting. Slits must be sewn so that the top of the slit comes no higher than the bottom of the knee.
• Acceptable tops must be loose fitting, not cupping under the breast; have necklines that are no lower than four-finger widths below the collarbone; be long enough so that when the student bends over or when she reaches her hand high in the air, no skin in the midriff area will be visible.

Note:
• If a student gets a tattoo prior to coming to CCC, the administration reserves the right to require she keep the tattoo covered if visible.
• Baseball caps should never be worn to class, chapel, or meals.
• Narrow straps and/or tank tops are permitted only when worn with a
blouse/shirt underneath or with a jacket/sweater. Sleeveless blouses, shirts, and dresses must cover from the neck to the edge of the shoulder and should be close fitting under the arm.
• The only writing permitted on shirts is brand names and designer logos. No slogans are permitted. Shirts deemed inappropriate will not be permitted.

Third, Appendix B - Principles of Modesty, which provides students further guidance in choosing their wardrobe. It includes some helpful questions one can ask while dressing:

1. Ask a godly dad, brother or husband his opinion. Men respond to the visual and are impacted by women’s clothing differently. Christian men who love you will be honest with you when you seek their advice. Listen to wise counsel.

Godly brother, can you see my thong through this burlap dress?

2. Sit or stand in front of the mirror and observe what others see, for example:
***Bend over to check how revealing your necklines are.
***Sit down and cross your legs to check shorts and skirts.
***Bend over and see how high your skirt moves up.
***Take a large step to look at skirt slits, etc.

***Bend over to the front.
***Touch your toes.
***Shake that ass up and down.
***And get low.

3. Ask yourself, “What do I want men to see who are NOT going to be my husband?”
***Are you dressing to maintain your sexual purity?
***Are you visually preserving yourself for your husband?

***Do you think I'm a nasty girl?

4. Ask yourself, “Am I willing to defer my preferences out of love for others?” Evaluate why you dress the way you do.
***Do you give priority to being “in style” over biblical principles?
***Do you follow fashion at all costs?
***Have you reviewed scripture to identify principles related to clothing (as discussed in the section on Philosophy of Dress Codes)? Ask yourself if you are violating these principles.

***And for the fellows: Do you like to watch old gladiator movies?

A Time for Giving, Sharing, Snatching, and Hoarding

Millard K. Ives reports for the Ocala Star-Banner:

A Marion County Sheriff's official and a mother said they would pursue theft charges against Jeannette R. Odom after she reportedly refused to return a child's ball that was given as a Christmas present after the ball was accidentally kicked into Odom's yard.

[…]

[Angel] Hise told sheriff's deputies that [her son] Nathaniel and several other children were playing with the red Spiderman ball Saturday morning near their home off U.S. 441 when the ball landed in Odom's yard.

Before Nathaniel could retrieve the ball, Odom snatched it up and went into her green trailer, a Sheriff's Office report stated. The report added that Odom refused to return the ball, even at the request of a deputy who was called to the scene and asked "nicely" several times.

Deputy Erica Hadley's report quoted Odom as saying that "no one should be on her property whatsoever," and she "would give [the ball] to a judge, before she gives anything back."

[…]

Hadley said she would pursue petty theft charges against the woman. A sheriff's official said Monday such a case would have to be forwarded to the State Attorney's Office to determine whether charges would be filed.

Odom told the Star-Banner Monday that the children had kicked the ball in her yard four times before she went outside to retrieve the toy. "I was just tired of it," Odom said.

Hadley reported that other neighbors in the mobile home complex have complained of Odom keeping toys of children that have landed in her yard. Melissa Breeden lives across the street from Odom and has two girls, ages 6 and 9. She said her children have had several toys seized by Odom after they landed in her yard, including a basketball.

[…]

Odom admitted she has kept some children's toys, but disputed Breeden's and Hise's claims that she had a room full of confiscated toys.

A ritual calendar note to Nathaniel and friends: Halloween is but ten months away.

Say It Loud

Goodbye, JB, and thank you. Seven days of mourning here in the Land Without Bread.













James Joseph Brown, Jr., AKA the Hardest Working Man in Show Business, Mr. Dynamite, Mr. Please, Please, Please, Soul Brother Number One, the Godfather of Soul, the Minister of the New New Super Heavy Funk, and the Original Disco King (May 3, 1933 - December 25, 2006)

¡El Chunior!

Emilio Lovera, playing the part of Gustavo el Chunior, speaks the universal language of Cheesy Radio DJ.

The Non-Existent Legal Diamond Trade in the Bolivarian Republic of Venezuela

Last month Partnership Africa Canada released its study of the Venezuelan diamond industry, “The Lost World: Diamond Mining and Smuggling in Venezuela” (pdf). This is the kind of report the Chávez government will dismiss offhand. The usual routine is for Vice President José Vicente Rangel to make some kind of hyperbolic, repetitive statement about its accuracy—such as, “The report is totally and utterly false, and our administration categorically and emphatically dismisses its specious claims”—and then appeal to chavista tropes about neoliberal assaults on Venezuelan sovereignty carried out by puppet NGOs doing the imperialist, capitalist master’s bidding. Such is the public response I expect if this report becomes news. But regardless of how it is publicly received, I hope some in the Chávez government read it and take it seriously. Despite the harsh criticism—it determines the Venezuelan government categorically fails to regulate the national diamond industry; it states Venezuela has in the last few years dropped completely out of Kimberley Process compliance and should therefore be expelled from the diamond certification system—the report, consistent with PAC’s general mission, aims to bring the diamond trade above the table and have it contribute to national economic development.

Compared with other diamond producing nations, Venezuela is a small player in the international trade. Nonetheless, the implications of the negligence, incompetence and subterfuge the report documents in all steps in the diamond trade are broad, as they indicate a widespread disposition to ignore or circumvent national and international regulations governing the trade.

Via Stabroek News.

Barna's Got Gang-Bangers

Latino gangs in the Americas have been transnational organizations for a number of decades. Now their transnationalism is transatlantic. Tracy Wilkinson of the LA Times:

A decade of immigration from Latin America has given rise to groups with names such as the Latin Kings, Vatos Locos and Mara Salvatrucha — veteran gangs born in Chicago, Puerto Rico or Los Angeles that are undergoing a kind of transatlantic globalization.

Their appearance in this country in the last few years, and reports linking them to a sudden surge in crime, has terrified Spaniards and forced them to confront yet another twist in the twin issues of immigration and integration: accepting their Latino brethren.

Barcelona has implemented a program designed to convert some of the gangs in the city into municipally recognized and sponsored cultural associations:

In Barcelona, the capital of Spain's autonomous Catalonia region, authorities are conducting a controversial experiment: Rather than fight the gangs, they have granted legal status to a subset of the Latin Kings and its female auxiliary, the Latin Queens, recognizing them as a "youth cultural association" with access to city funds and venues.

Officials hope to cultivate and integrate these youths into productive society, turning them away from the path of delinquency. It is too early to make broad conclusions, but officials say no violence or criminal activity has been associated with the group since the project was launched a few months ago. A second gang, the Netas, is considering coming on board.

It should be noted that one group not mentioned is Mara Salvatrucha. The LA Times article distinguishes between the New World and Old versions of gangs discussed, arguing that “some of the Spanish branches are really just copycats, using the same nomenclature, symbols and rituals (often learned on the Internet) but with little association with the original group.” In the case of Mara Salvatrucha, an organization that is involved in various transnational extra-legal economic activities and one that demands and enforces member loyalty, it wouldn’t take much for a Western Hemisphere chapter to push a Spanish chapter to become more like the American version of the gang. Perhaps this has already happened. A first step might be a shipment of a certain product with distribution instructions, an order to carry out in-gang adjudication, or some other directive aimed at making the Spanish branch or Spanish members demonstrate their commitment to the organization.

The point being, it makes sense to treat some gangs as youth cultural organizations and mutual aid societies, while others, or important elements of these others, might be better approached as transnational organized criminal enterprises.

Rules

I'm going to give this college visit thing one last shot. Maybe The Baptist College of Florida in Graceville has the regime I'm looking for. From the student handbook (pdf):

5.0 COLLEGE CODE OF CONDUCT

5.1 INTRODUCTION

Each student at The Baptist College of Florida has given evidence of above-average dedication to the Christian ethic presented in the Sermon on the Mount (Matthew 5-7). The practice of going beyond what is expected, in spirit as well as in service, should characterize every student's activity in and outside the classroom, on and off the campus. Anything less than personal honesty, integrity, industry, morality, and sensitivity is out of character for anyone preparing for Christian ministry and will be a factor in evaluating a student's continuance in study as a part of the BCF family.

The entire college family is encouraged to resolve any conflicts that may arise by following the Biblical teachings of Matthew 5 and Matthew 18. Conflicts are best resolved through humble confession of offenses and gracious forgiving of the same, all in the spirit of Christian love and fellowship. The Director of Student Services is available to help students as they seek to resolve conflicts in this way.

The Baptist College of Florida: We're above average. Good start. Let's skip the academic honesty and drug treatises (and they really are treatises; check them out if you want to see for yourself) and go straight to personal finance:

5.7 BAD CHECKS

Students shall not make and/or deliver any check which is not supported by sufficient funds on deposit or is in any way worthless. Such a practice may lead to dismissal from the college.

and in-dorm child care:

5.8 CHILD CARE

Providing regular child care for anyone in a college-owned apartment for more than two days in any week is not permitted. Any student or student's spouse accepting the responsibility of child care for off-campus children must go to that child's home or to another off-campus location.

On to more common discliplinary concerns:

5.14 DATING

Dating practices must be kept on a high level of Christian conduct and refinement and in harmony with the calling to Christian ministry. BCF expects students to set an example for the Christian community by maintaining the highest standards of behavior between male and female. Therefore, all close physical contact is inappropriate and unacceptable. Daniel Plaza, the Assembly Center and the Student Center provide well-lit places for socializing during the evening hours.

Baptist College of Florida: We'll leave the light on for you.

5.15 DEBTS

No one is permitted to contract a debt for BCF unless authorized to do so by the Business Office. To preserve the good reputation of the institution and its entire family (faculty, staff, and students), all personal debts on and off campus should be satisfied completely, on or before the dates due. Failure to attend to one's financial obligations is not in keeping with the Christian principles of BCF and is grounds for dismissal.

5.21 DRESS STANDARDS

Personal appearance and dress are a vital part of a Christian student's example and should reflect modesty, neatness and cleanliness. In academic and administrative areas, men must wear shirts with slacks or jeans; women must wear dresses, or blouses with skirts, jean, or slacks. Footwear is required at all times. Men may not wear hats or caps inside academic and administrative buildings. Shorts and sweat suits are unacceptable. Swim wear, tank tops, cutoffs, and halters are examples of immodest wear and are unacceptable anywhere on campus at any time.

5.25 GAMBLING

Gambling by BCF students in any form is prohibited. This includes playing at any game of chance for material gain or wagering for material gain on games played by others.

5.36 PORNOGRAPHY

Possession or use of any pornographic material in any form is contrary to preparation for Christian ministry and will lead to dismissal from the college. This includes any internet activities which involve viewing, downloading, or trading on-line pornography or engaging in adult fantasy role-play chat rooms.

And last but far from least, s*x:

5.39 SEXUAL MISCONDUCT

5.39.1 General

Engagement in any sexual act outside of a monogamous heterosexual marriage is not in keeping with the ideals of Christianity or this institution. Such an act is grounds for dismissal.

Cohabitation and/or keeping company in a private place that leads to suspicion of illicit sexual activity is grounds for dismissal. Avoiding the appearance of evil is necessary to positive Christian witness.

Baptist College of Florida: A good place for Caesar to look for a wife.

If you're going to attend just one Latin American Studies conference next year

make it this one.

The Iranian Foreign Ministry's Institute for Political and International Studies has little time to celebrate the great success of its recent international Holocaust deniers' brainstorm, which attracted such prestigious Jewish Studies scholars as historian Dr. David Duke (that's right, David Duke has a Ph.D. in history). The institute has to get ready for its next congress, to be held just two months from now.

At the end of February 2007 the Latin American Research Group at the institute will host its first international conference on Latin America, "Developments of Latin America: The Role and Standing of This Region in the Future International Order." Forget LASA 2007. All the world's hottest Latin American Studies scholars will be at this one. According to the call for papers, the conference will include sessions on the following topics:

Internationl

1-1) Globalization and Latin America

1-2) The standing of Latin America in the international order

1-3) The defeat of neo-colonialism and neo-liberalist methods in Latin America

1-4) The future of integration trends in Latin America


Regional

2-1) A turn to the left in Latin America

2-2) Common denominators between popular movements in Latin America

2-3) Chavesim, Bolivarism and Indigenism

2-4) Indogenization of democracy in Latin America

2-5) The role of political alliances and coalitions in integration processes in Latin America

2-6) Liberation Theology (the role of religion in the developments of Latin America)

2-7) The outlook of economy and energy in Latin America

2-8) The cultural and identify challenges in Latin America


Bilateral

3-1) Latin America and Middle East: similarities, expectations and interactions in international fora

3-2) Relations of Iran with Cuba and Venezuela: the pattern of expanding cooperation between the two geographical regions

3-3) The outlook of relation between Iran and Latin America, opportunities and challenges

Strange, it doesn't say if there will be panels on literature, music, dance, or issues of gender and sexuality.

El sorteo musical de los viernes

1. Asia, "Heat of the Moment"
2. Mecano, "Me cuesta tanto olvidarte"
3. Kool & the Gang, "Chocolate Buttermilk"
4. De La Soul, "Pass the Plugs"
5. Orquesta Aragón, "Quiéreme mucho"
6. María Díaz, "Ese hombre es casado"
7. Eek-A-Mouse, "Wa-Do-Dem"
8. El Gran Combo, "Y no hago más na'"
9. María Díaz, "El hombre que quise"
10. Antony Santos, "Se fue la bola"

Two from María Díaz, la Reina Internacional del Merengue Típico. Here's a video embed to give her the hat trick.


María Díaz, "Me chequea"

Pinochet III: Son of a Son of a Right-Wing Poster Child

Remember this, grandson. The Pinochets suffer the abuses of the left so that others do not have to. It is our destiny.

Good news, contemporary United States right-wing apologists for past right-wing dictatorships. The spirit of the man whose political life you so celebrate and whose passing you so lament lives on. It glows warmly in his grandson, Augusto Pinochet Molina, also known as Augusto Pinochet III, a captain in the Chilean army, though not for long. On Tuesday Pinochet III spoke for the silent, suffering majority when he said the following at Pinochet I's funeral:

[Mi abuelo fue] un hombre que derrotó en plena Guerra Fría al modelo marxista que pretendía imponer su modelo totalitario no mediante el voto, sino más bien derechamente por el medio armado.

About the Chilean and other justice systems he added (ellipse in the original):

La batalla fue más dura en su vejez. Fue éste enemigo el que más fuerte lo golpeó (...) donde más fuerte lo golpeó fue en lo afectivo, haciéndolo ver cómo su mujer y familia eran vejados por jueces que buscaban más renombre que justicia.

El País has video of Pinochet III saying the above. El Mercurio has the audio of the entire eulogy (Click on "El discurso de Pinochet Molina").

Members of the Chilean armed forces are not permitted to express partisan political positions in public, so his criticism of the judicial branch is for the Ministry of Defense a big institutional no-no.

That's not how the Pinochet clan sees it, however. Pinochet III's uncle, Marco Antonio Pinochet, does the right-wing I'm a victim because people take issue with my authoritarian views and anti-democratic actions tradition proud. As he points out, a whole family has been and continues to be victimized. Now it's Pinochet III's turn on the wheel of leftist invective:

"Primero persiguieron a mi padre hasta el cansancio, con posterioridad han perseguido a mi madre, siguen persiguiendo a toda una familia y ya no me llama la atención que quieran perseguir a mi sobrino", señaló [Marco Antonio Pinochet].

If Pinochet III's dishonest, self-serving historical revisionism and his deep family tradition of martyrdom are not enough to convince you to embrace him as one of today's guiding lights for the U.S. radical right, then consider this factor, guaranteed to win over the most stubbornly parochial: he spent the Early Years in Los Angeles, California, so he speaks English. English, motherfucker, English!

The left can have Shakira and Calle 13. In Pinochet III the right has its own crossover star just waiting to be born. All it takes is a post at any of a number of think tanks, a column for any of a number of online publications, or a guest position at a certain TV news channel.



















The human rights abuse my grandfather ordered for your parents and grandparents hurt him more than it hurt them.


Update (8:56 PM, December 14, 2006): Your prayers to St. Jeane of Kirkpatrick have been answered, Jonah Goldberg. Now that he's been expelled from the Chilean army, Pinochet III is available to take over as dictator of Iraq and can start work immediately. All he needs is a one-way airplane ticket from Santiago de Chile to Baghdad.

Second update (3:47 PM, December 15, 2006): The news keeps getter better and better for Jonah Goldberg. The Chilean army has discharged General Ricardo Hargreaves, who said on Tuesday that he supported Pinochet's cause in the past and continues to support it today. Now he can join Pinochet III on that flight to Baghdad, and when they get there, they can form a military junta. Iraq's future is looking bright indeed.

What now? Bury the dead and try the living.

Apologies to Pombal.

Superjudge Baltasar Garzón via Unión Radio:

El juez español Baltasar Garzón considera que los procesos judiciales relacionados con el dictador chileno Augusto Pinochet deben continuar, pese a su fallecimiento, porque hay otros responsables de los graves delitos que se le imputan.

Garzón, que cobró fama internacional al promover el arresto de Pinochet por la muerte y tortura de ciudadanos españoles durante su mandato (1973-1990), opina que lo importante ahora es actuar con rapidez para evitar que se repitan otros casos como los del ex general.

"Los procesos judiciales tendrán que seguir, y van a seguir, porque en cuanto a la autoría (de los crímenes) Augusto Pinochet no era el único responsable", dijo el juez español en declaraciones a la emisora radiofónica Cadena Ser.

La muerte del dictador chileno, que se ha producido el mismo día en que se cumplían ocho años de su procesamiento por el juez Garzón por los delitos de genocidio, terrorismo y torturas, cerrará la causa abierta contra él, aunque el sumario se mantendrá abierto para el resto de los acusados.

"Hay muchas personas que deben ser investigadas", subrayó el magistrado español, quien precisó que "los jueces en cualquier parte del mundo debemos hacerlo con agilidad para que no nos ocurra lo mismo".

Pinocho's dead and gone. But he had plenty of collaborators and co-conspirators. And they ain't dead yet.

Rules

How about we give the old virtual campus tour the old college try one more time. Today were visiting Trinity Baptist College in Jacksonville. Their Standard of Conduct (pdf) isn't just some subsection of the college catalog or the student handbook. Students have to read it and sign it. Like a covenant. Some selected passages:

General Conduct

The conduct of each student (dorm or commuter) must be in accordance with the standards of Trinity Baptist College. The testimony of Trinity Baptist College and each individual student is at stake. Trinity Baptist College is committed to the highest standards of Christian conduct.

All students are expected to refrain from worldly practices such as using drugs, alcohol, and tobacco; participating in gambling (lotteries); use of playing cards, including computer games; dancing; and attending commercial movie theaters, bars, and lounges. These practices are to be avoided as long as the student is enrolled at Trinity Baptist College.

Standard of Conduct

All students are required to sign the following Standard of Conduct: In this day of disappearing moral absolutes, it is imperative that all Christians be reminded that the Bible, as the revelation of God’s truth, must determine not only doctrinal beliefs, but also life-style. In a changing world, the Christian has an unchanging standard--the Word of God. Trinity’s STANDARD OF CONDUCT is based on the teachings and principles of Scripture, seeking to develop personal holiness and discipline exemplified in a life-style glorifying to God.

I understand that my involvement in, or my preparation for, Christian work requires my personal commitment to the Lord Jesus Christ and separation from sin. I further realize that as a Trinity student, I represent the Lord Jesus Christ as well as the college. I am aware that Scripture denounces specific sins and attitudes which are to be avoided. In addition, I understand that certain types of activities are questionable and will avoid these activities as determined by the College for testimony’s sake. As a member of the Trinity Baptist College family, I purpose, by God’s grace, to follow Scriptural principles which will help protect myself, others, and this institution from destructive influences, false philosophies, and Satanic temptations. In that regard...

4. I purpose to guard my tongue and keep my words in harmony with the Word of God. I further intend to avoid gossip and unkind speech which is neither helpful nor necessary (Psalm 19:14; Proverbs 14:28; Luke 6:45; Ephesians 5:29-32; Philippians 4:8; James 1:19).

7. I respect God-ordained authority in the church and college, and pledge myself to submit and pray for those in authority that they might function according to the principles, standards, and doctrines of God’s Word (I Thessalonians 5:12,13; I Timothy 5:17; Hebrews 13:7,17).

9. I believe the Bible is God’s inspired, infallible and preserved (KJV) Word and that it is to be taught and preached as such. I further acknowledge that God’s Word is the final authority for my life (Psalm 19:7-9, 119:11,44,128,167; II Timothy 3:16; II Peter 1:20,21).

12. I refuse to defile my mind with rock music and sinful and/or questionable literature, movies and television programs. I further promise to refrain from the use, possession, or distribution of tobacco, alcohol, and nonmedicinal narcotic or hallucinogenic drugs. I acknowledge that gambling, dancing, hazing, mixed swimming, and all forms of sexual immorality will not be permitted (Psalm 101:3; Proverbs 19:27; 20:1; Habakkuk 2:15; Romans 12:21, 14:8; I Corinthians 10:31; II Corinthians 5:17; Colossians 3:17; I Thessalonians 5:22; James 4:4).

No card games, no gossip, no questioning campus authorities, no questioning God's King James Version Word, no dancing, no mixed swimming, no rock and roll. What do these kids do for fun?

Ricardo Lagos Weber: "It has been determined that the deceased former general shall receive the honours of a former commander in chief of the Army"

Augusto José Ramón Pinochet Ugarte, AKA Pinocho (November 25, 1915-December 10, 2006)

Damn

The Bar-Kays, "Son of Shaft," live at Wattstax, 1972

Players Will Play, Haters Will Seek Apologies

There is no scandal. What we have here is a gracious player and a hater with much to learn.

A real player doesn't whine about getting played and ask for an apology in a newspaper column. A real player takes another player's game as a challenge, not an impediment. Lovelady is a player hater who tried to play himself off as a player and got schooled. By a real player.

Mammas, don't let your babies grow up to be gas brokers

PACARAIMA, Brazil — At the last gas station on BR-174, the potholed two-lane highway that ends here at the border between Brazil and Venezuela, gasoline costs nearly $5 a gallon, the standard price throughout Brazil. But in the nearby Venezuelan town of Santa Elena de Uairén, the price at the pump is only 17 cents a gallon.

As might be expected, that whopping disparity has generated a booming contraband trade in gasoline in this remote and underpopulated corner of the Amazon. The governments of both countries have been moving to bring the problem under control, but the profit potential is so alluring that every measure they take simply spurs fuel traffickers to ever more ingenious efforts at evasion.

[…]

Until this spring, Brazilians were allowed to buy gasoline in Santa Elena at the same gas stations as Venezuelans. The lines were huge, sometimes stretching for more than a half mile and provoking complaints from residents who had to spend up to half a day waiting to fill their tanks.

In addition, some of the town’s 17,000 residents, including teachers, were quitting their jobs to become gasoline brokers. So the mayor, Manuel de Jesús Vallez, decreed a rationing system that limits Venezuelans to purchases of between 10 and 30 gallons of gas every other day, depending on the size of their vehicle.

Larry Rohter
"Gas Smugglers Dodge the Law in Brazil and Venezuela"
New York Times
December 7, 2006

Oh, what the hell. Let 'em be gas brokers. They'll make more money than school teachers, for sure. And their guaranteed work along both the Brazilian and the Colombian borders.

El sorteo musical de los viernes

1. James Brown, "There Was a Time"
2. Mutabaruka, "Witeman Country"
3. Paracumbé, "Guañeco pié"
4. Kool & the Gang, "The Penguin"
5. Dispatch, "Flying Horses"
6. Preservation Hall Jazz Band, "Tiger Rag"
7. Carlos y José, "Un complejo"
8. Eek-A-Mouse, "De Di Doo"
9. Boozoo Chavis, "Paper in My Shoe"
10. Albert King, "Merry Way"

Penguins, horses, tigers, and witemans. They all groove to the magic sounds of Boozoo Chavis.


Boozoo Chavis and the Magic Sounds, "Paper in My Shoe"

A Crazy Maracucho and His Jumpy Sidekick Do Not a Hezbollah Franchise Make

J. Peter Pham and Michael I. Krauss, writing at TCS Daily (December 4, 2006), posit that Hezbollah has recently established franchises in Latin America. As evidence, they point to the case of the group called Hezbollah in Latin America:

In a forthcoming study for the Institute for Counter-Terrorism at Israel's Interdisciplinary Center in Herzliya, senior researcher Ely Karmon raises the alarming prospect of Hezbollah affiliated groups bringing the Lebanese terrorists' brand of violence to the Americas. While acknowledging that it is too soon to draw clear conclusions about the nature and objectives of these Hezbollah "franchisees," Karmon nonetheless notes that "successful campaigns of proselytism in the heart of poor indigene Indian tribes and populations by both Shi'a and Sunni preachers and activists" have contributed to the growing attraction of Islamist terrorist groups in Latin America. Karmon also observes that "there is a growing trend of solidarity between leftist, Marxist, anti-global and even rightist elements with the Islamists," citing inter alia the September 2004 "strategy conference" of anti-globalization groups hosted by Hezbollah in Beirut.

Evidence of this was already available in the Washington Post's front page coverage of Hezbollah leader Hassan Nasrallah's September 22 mass rally, which mentioned that among those in attendance was a Lebanese expatriate who had flown in from Venezuela for the event and that "[a]t the mention of Venezuelan President Hugo Chávez, a critic of America, cheers went up."

As it happens, one month after the demonstration in Beirut, on October 23, Venezuelan police discovered two explosive devices near the U.S. Embassy in Caracas. According to a statement in El Universal from the acting police commissioner of the Baruta district, law enforcement officials arrested a man carrying a "backpack containing one hundred black powder bases, pliers, adhesive tape, glue, and electric conductors" who "admitted that the explosives had been set to detonate within fifteen minutes." The man arrested was José Miguel Rojas Espinoza, a 26-year-old student at the Bolivarian University of Venezuela, a Chávez-founded institution whose website proclaims that it offers a free "practical and on the ground education" contributing to "a more just, united, and sustainable society, world peace, and a new progressive and pluralist civilization."

Two days after the failed bombing, a web posting by a group calling itself Venezuelan Hezbollah claimed -- "in the name of Allah, the Compassionate, the Merciful" -- responsibility for the attack. The bombing was meant to publicize Venezuelan Hezbollah's existence and its mission to "build an Islamic nation in Venezuela and all the countries of America," under the guidance of "the ideology of the revolutionary Islam of the Imam Khomeini." (Without a hint of irony, the communiqué, signed by "Latin American Hezbollah," disparaged those who would present the suspect as "a lunatic and a madman in order to hide the truth that he is an Islamic mujahid, a man who has undertaken jihad through the call of our group.")

The rest of their piece rehashes old news about Hezbollah’s presence and activities in Latin America: trafficking and money laundering operations in the Triple Frontier region (in and around Ciudad del Este, Paraguay), the group’s role in the 1994 bombing of a Jewish community center in Buenos Aires, Argentina, and its probable connections with Colombian guerrilla groups and drug trafficking organizations. The claim that Hezbollah is up to something new in Latin America—that it is franchising its name and cause—rests on the one Venezuelan example.

When I first came across the assertion that Hezbollah had an openly active affiliate in Venezuela (at Hot Air, parts 1 and 2), I thought something smelled fishy. Hezbollah has been present in Venezuela for quite some time, specifically on Margarita Island, a free-trade zone, where their operations serve to launder and channel money to operations in the Middle East. Their presence in the country predates Chávez’s election as president. Keeping a low profile has been intrinsic to their modus operandi in Venezuela.

In contrast, Hezbollah in Latin America, also called Hezbollah in Venezuela, has been very loud, especially on the internet, in announcing its presence. But this was not the only thing that struck me as odd. Supposedly, Hezbollah in Latin America has recruited Wayuu Indians to its cause. The Wayuu are also known as Guajiro Indians, from the name of peninsula they have historically inhabited. The border between Colombia and Venezuela runs through the peninsula, but the Wayuu pay it little mind. Since the Spaniards’ failed efforts to subjugate and convert them in the eighteenth century, the Wayuu have successfully warded off outside incursions. The independent republics of Colombia and Venezuela have had similar success to the Spaniards. The Wayuu on the Colombian side of the Guajira Peninsula are Colombians in name only. The same goes for those on the Venezuelan side. All this, to say that on the Guajira Peninsula, the Wayuu call the shots. They defend their political, economic, and cultural autonomy staunchly. They are no strangers to transnational extra-legal activities, as arms, drugs, gasoline, and other commodities are commonly smuggled through the peninsula. But the transfer of these goods through their territory happens on their terms.

Back to the Hezbollah franchise claim, and fishy it is. It turns out the group consists of one man in Maracaibo, Venezuela, and his not-so-competent accomplice, a college student in Caracas. Both have been arrested by Venezuelan authorities. There is no evidence the group has ties with the Lebanese terrorist organization. Clinton W. Taylor, who filed the Hot Air reports cited above and who has been following Hezbollah in Latin America closely, write in the American Spectator (November 30, 2006):

Teodoro Darnott, aka "Sheidy Daniel," thought he was immune from Hugo's attentions. Darnott, in the remote Zulia section of Venezuela, near the Colombian border, had begun preaching a weird fusion of militant Islam, Marxist theory, and even a sprinkling of Catholic "Liberation Theology" to a group of disaffected Indians. He detested the United States and Israel and called for jihad -- or in Spanish, "yihad," against their interests in Latin America.

Sheidy Daniel called his group "Hezbollah Latin America" -- a dangerous choice given that the "real" Hezbollah operates quietly in Venezuela, though primarily in ventures designed to raise cash for its Middle Eastern operations…

Not content to rally his tiny section of followers to jihadi mayhem in Venezuela, Darnott took Hezbollah in Latin America to the Internet. Using free web services like Blogspot and MSN Groups, he set up multiple mirrored websites which guaranteed that even if a few of his sites were taken down he would still have a web presence. And he began advertising: he sent an invitation to join his MSN group to people across the globe, including, for some reason, to me.

Darnott's jihadi message attracted followers in several Latin American countries, including (according to his website) Mexico, and his rhetoric became more violent as well. On August 18th he announced his intention to use explosives against American interests in Venezuela…

October 3 was the anniversary of the Hezbollah bombing of the U.S. Marine barracks in Beirut, and a student named Jose Miguel Reyes Espinosa allegedly decided to commemorate the event by setting off two pipe bombs in front of the U.S. Embassy. The nervous Reyes sent his taxi driver into a panic, however, and he was arrested. The recovered pipe bombs (or niples in local parlance) were found to include leaflets referring to Hezbollah -- exactly as Hezbollah Latin America's sites had warned. Subsequent postings on the sites removed any doubt in my mind that Darnott was the mastermind behind these attacks.

Then things took a turn for the strange. On November 13th, Darnott posted a short screed claiming that Reyes had been assassinated by the CIA and the Mossad while in DISIP custody. He called for a much more serious and damaging attack in retaliation, and the site now included a picture of a propane-cylinder device that would probably be much more lethal than the pipe bombs used in the failed October 3rd attack. He also posted a picture of U.S. Ambassador to Venezuela William Brownfield with an annotation that he was "worthy of death." Since the failed attempt in October corresponded precisely to prior warnings on the websites, this new threat was worth taking very seriously.

That was the last posting he would make for a while. Now we know why: On November 18th, the Venezuelan newspaper El Universal reported that the DISIP -- Venezuela's FBI -- had detained a Teodoro Rafael "Nardot" (sic) in a suburb of Maracaibo. He was charged in connection with the October 3rd bombing and with violations of Venezuela's "delinquent organizations" law, and remains in DISIP custody -- along with Jose Miguel Reyes Espinosa, the tales of whose martyrdom by the CIA and Mossad were, apparently, greatly exaggerated.

These arrests took place almost three weeks ago. Nevertheless, the claim advanced by Pham and Krauss continues to propagate.

Fidel Castro Takes a Moment to Sit Up in His Death Bed and Write a Letter

Granma International:

Message from Fidel to Chávez

President Fidel Castro sends message of congratulations to his colleague Hugo Chávez on his victory in Venezuela’s presidential elections, which he won with more than 61% of the votes.

Fulll text of the message:

Havana, December 4, 2006

“Year of the Energy Revolution in Cuba”

Compañero Hugo Chávez Frías

President of the Bolivarian Revolution of Venezuela

Hugo:

I will be brief so that my emotions do not betray me.

Your victory was resounding, crushing and unparalleled in the history of our America.

The oppressed peoples of the world will always be grateful for the strategy and the courage with which you waged such a difficult battle of ideas.

Your political prowess and that of the Venezuelan people has moved the world.

We Cubans are happy.

A tremendous and Martí embrace.

Fidel Castro Ruz

Translated by Granma International

There, now back to bed.

Rules

Last week's visit to Florida Christian College was fun and informative, but it's clearly not the school for me. This I knew as soon as they said they don't allow students to take part in pyramid schemes. Maybe Florida College, located just outside of Tampa in Temple Terrace, will be a better fit. Let's see what they have to offer in terms of rules and regulations. Some highlights from the subsection "Conduct and Discipline" (pdf) of the Florida College Catalog:

Conduct and Discipline
Florida College expects its students to maintain not only high academic standards but also high moral standards; consequently, its regulations are designed to promote conduct consistent with the purposes and ideals of the Institution.

When students fail to conduct themselves responsibly and thus conflict with the ideals of the College, or when they contravene the rights of others, jeopardize their own name or that of the College, penalties will result and sometimes stricter regulations ensue.

Discipline is understood by the College to be treatment suited to a disciple or learner. Lax discipline and thorough scholarship are incompatible. College officials seek to be mild and persuasive and yet firm in their dealing with disciplinary matters. Consequently, College regulations and discipline should be understood in the light of these underlying principles.

Some Specific Prohibitions

Offenses Which Automatically Suspend:
2. Involvement in fornication or homosexual activities. Normally students will not be reinstated for at least the remainder of the semester.
3. Possession and/or use of intoxicating beverages. (A student is prohibited from engaging in drinking, handling, possessing, or giving away intoxicants including beer, wine, ale, etc.) Normally students will not be reinstated for at least the remainder of the semester.
4. Possession and/or use of drugs not prescribed by a physician; possession of drug paraphernalia. (This regulation includes marijuana and hallucinatory agents.) Normally the student will not be reinstated for at least the remainder of the semester.
5. Entering or patronizing places deemed by the College as providing activities and/or atmospheres inconsistent with the ideals, purposes and policies of the institution. (Such places include bars, lounges, fraternity and sorority houses, discotheques, places where X-rated movies are shown, etc.)

Offenses Which Make a Student Liable to Suspension:
6. Meeting a member of the opposite sex in a private place without permission.
7. Absenting one’s self without reasonable cause from the campus over night or for a substantial portion thereof.
8. Unauthorized entry or possession of keys to Florida College buildings or rooms other than one’s own residence hall room.
9. Entering living areas of the opposite sex on campus, or allowing members of the opposite sex to enter one’s living area, including residence halls, rooms, rest rooms, etc., without the permission of authorized college personnel.
10. Participation in gambling activities.

Marriage During Academic Session
The College encourages wholesome courtship; perhaps no marriages are happier than those growing out of long and close associations in college life. It seems unfair to both the College and parents for young people to marry without the approval of their parents and the knowledge of the College. Any boarding student desiring to marry while enrolled in Florida College must secure approval of his or her parents or guardian and give prior notification to the President of the College. All married students must have their companions in Tampa with them to be enrolled in Florida College.

Automobiles
Parking is a challenge at Florida College as it is at most other colleges. Automobiles also entail financial and other problems to students which often interfere with good work. The College feels that it is not fair to the student or to the College to permit a student to owe the College money while at the same time buying a car or adding improvements to it.

Automobiles are allowed for boarding students only on a restricted basis and must be registered with the Dean of Student Services. Unwise or improper use of any vehicle forfeits the student’s right to keep it while enrolled in Florida College. No resident student may purchase a motor vehicle after enrolling except with permission of both the parents and Dean of Student Services.

To-and-From-Home Regulations
Resident students are under College regulations from the time of their arrival on the campus until the time they leave for their homes. This rule applies to both beginning and ending of semesters or sessions. Written permission from parent is required for any visitation of a student in the home of another student.

Thanksgiving and Spring Break
The Florida College campus is closed during the Thanksgiving Break and Spring Break. When students leave the campus for these breaks, their parents assume full responsibility for their son or daughter’s whereabouts and activities during the break. All students are expected to abide by all College standards of conduct during the time they are away from campus, since they are still enrolled as students at Florida College.

Credit Accounts and Personal Finances
It is most unwise for students to run credit accounts while attending the College and the College is not responsible for debts incurred by students. Only moderate amounts of spending money should be provided students, and all such money should be kept in safe places. The College considers it most unwise for students to borrow money from each other.

Okay, a bit intrusive perhaps, but I don't see any outright prohibition of pyramid schemes, which is a plus. And big props for writing out the word discotheques. The restriction on cars might be a problem though, because I know I do not want to be walking in Tampa Bay. Walking in Tampa Bay? Only a nobody walks in Tampa Bay.

Petkoff on La Revolución Roja, Bonita y Rentable

On this, the night of Hugo Chávez’s reelection, the Land Without Bread yields the floor to Teodoro Petkoff, editor of Tal Cual (Caracas). From his interview with Clarín (Buenos Aires), published November 30, 2006:

Telma Luzzani: El gobierno dice que va hacia una "democracia participativa" y la oposición que va hacia el castro-comunismo. ¿Quién tiene razón?

Petkoff: No se puede negar que aquí ha habido un proceso de empoderamiento popular. Se han desarrollado formas de organización y de participación populares importantes y parte de ellas ya han sido institucionalizadas, como los consejos comunales o las cooperativas. Pero se trata de un mecanismo de toma de decisiones a nivel local que tropieza con un riesgo: convertirse en correas de transmisión de la voluntad del partido. La tradición política venezolana desde 1936 funcionó así y el partido de Chávez, el MVR, es de esa misma tradición. Hay entonces una contradicción interesante entre estas organizaciones sociales y el partido, porque el MVR se empeña en imponer sus dirigentes y sus políticas.

[…]

Luzzani: ¿Definiría al gobierno de Chávez como de izquierda?

Petkoff: Es difícil definirlo tajantemente. Su discurso es una mezcla de stalinismo trasnochado con fascismo. En su conducta hay evidentes elementos fascistoides, como el culto a la violencia como instrumento de la política o el culto a la tradición heroica. A la vera de Chávez se ha ido formando una nueva derecha: la "boliburguesía", la burguesía bolivariana, subida a la corrupción. Los negocios que se hacen con la venta y el transporte de petróleo son multimillonarios, en la compra de armamentos, contrato de obras públicas; en fin, los vicios que tienen los petro-Estados. Fíjese que entre el Banco Central y otros fondos tenemos más dólares en reserva que todo el resto de América latina junta.

English, motherfucker!

Sure thing, Jules.

Telma Luzzani: The government says it's going toward a “participatory democracy,” and the opposition says it’s going toward Castroist communism. Who’s right?

Petkoff: One cannot deny that there’s been a process of popular empowerment here. Important forms of popular organization and participation have developed, and some of them have been institutionalized, like the communal councils and the coops. But we’re dealing with a decision making mechanism at the local level that runs up against the risk of becoming transition belts for the will of the party. Since 1936 the Venezuelan political tradition has worked this way, and Chávez’s MVR [Movimiento Quinta República, Fifth Republic Movement in English] is part of that same tradition. There’s an interesting contradiction, then, between these social organizations and the party, because the MVR insists on imposing its leaders and policies.

[…]

Luzzani: Would you define the Chávez government as leftist?

Petkoff: It’s difficult to define it incisively. Its discourse is a mix of stale Stalinism with fascism. In its conduct there are clear fascistoid elements, like the cult of violence as a political instrument or the cult of the heroic tradition. Under Chávez a new right has taken form: the Bolibourgeoisie, the Bolivarian bourgeoisie, raised up by corruption. The deals made in the sale and transport of petroleum, the arms trade, and public works contracts are multimillion-dollar ones, in short, the vices of petrostates. Notice that between the Central Bank and other funds we have more dollars in reserves than the rest of Latin America combined.

Towards an Ethnography of the Troll

Today we've taken a break from our usual exegetic exercises (See the Land Without Bread Book Club side bar) to do some reading in ethnography. Internets ethnography, to be precise. Lesley, commenting at Sadly, No!, has brought to our attention a study that should be in every trollologists' library: Flame Warriors by Mike Reed. Some excerpts from this inventory of internets agents provocauters:

Blowhard feels the need to present his credentials before entering the fray - even if they are irrelevant to the discussion. For example, in a movie forum conflict he might attempt to settle the matter by saying, "As a Ph. D. candidate in particle physics I believe I can say with some authority that the 'Beavis and Butthead' movie represents the emergence of a new cultural paradigm." Huh?

Picador does not engage other Warriors in direct combat. Instead, he uses well placed barbs to goad his adversary into charging while skillfully avoiding the appearance of being the provocateur. He thus guides his enraged target towards certain injury or defeat at the hands of a stronger Warrior. Once the fight has been set in motion Picador will retire to a discrete distance, always ready prod his lance into sensitive areas should the action begin to flag.

Evil Clown . . . has little patience for in-depth discussions and will often disrupt exchanges between serious forum participants by introducing irrelevant topics, fatuous quips, and offhand comments. His greatest thrill is to taunt and humiliate weaker or more plodding Warriors with his snappy ripostes. Not a particularly powerful Warrior, Evil Clown will attempt to avoid defeat by accusing his attacker of having no sense of humor.

The ethnographic description is rich and insightful, the analysis of cultural dynamics is impressive, and the field sketches are top notch. A fine contribution to the vibrant field of trollology.

New Citizenship Test Questions for a New Era

After six years of study and revision, the United States Citizenship and Immigration Services (CIS) unveiled yesterday its new exam questions for applicants seeking to become naturalized citizens:

The federal government rolled out a new citizenship test Thursday to replace an exam that critics say has encouraged prospective Americans simply to memorize facts, rather than fully understand the principles of a democracy.

The exam will be assessed in a pilot program in 10 cities beginning early next year.

Gone are these questions: "How many stripes are there in the flag?"; "What color are the stripes on the flag?"; "What do the stripes on the flag represent?"; and the obvious, "What are the colors of our flag?" The new exam rephrases the questions to focus on what the stripes represent, asking, "Why do we have 13 stripes on the flag?" or "Why does the flag have 13 stripes?" (The answer: Because the stripes represent the original 13 colonies).

"Our goal is to inspire immigrants to learn about the civic values of this nation so that after they take the oath of citizenship they will participate fully in our great democracy," said Emilio Gonzalez, director of the Citizenship and Immigration Services, which has been working since 2000 to develop a new test.

The new list of potential questions is available online. The answers too. The CIS has the old list available too, as part of its Guide to Naturalization (pdf). This is a good thing because it allows us to compare the two and see just how new the new, improved, and analytically oriented exam is.

First, the flag, the example above. New test:

138. Why does the flag have 13 stripes?

A: Because there were 13 original colonies
A: Because the stripes represent the original colonies

139. Why do we have 13 stripes on the flag?

A: Because there were 13 original colonies
A: Because the stripes represent the original colonies

Old test:

5. How many strips are there on the flag?
13

6. What do the strips mean on the flag represent?
The first 13 states

7. What color are the stripes on the flag?
Red and white

"Why" versus "What do they represent." I'm afraid I'm missing the great analytical leap that's been made here. Let's try the stars. Maybe they'll clear things up. New test:

140. Why does the flag have 50 stars?

A: There is one star for each state.
A: Each star represents a state.
A: There are 50 states.

Old test:

2. What do the stars on the flag mean?
One for each state

3. How many stars are there on our flag?
50

4. What color are the stars on our flag?
White

"Why" versus "What do they mean." This is an exam six years in the making. I guess it took that long to convince the What Do They Mean or Represent coterie to yield to the Why coterie.

Let's look at some more examples of new exam questions that require more analytical thought and less rote memorization. On Congress:

25. Who does a U.S. Senator represent?

A: All citizens in that Senator’s state

26. Who does a U.S. Representative represent?

A: All citizens in that Representative’s district (each state is divided into districts)

It appears the CIS wants to expose naturalized citizens to the misuse of English pronouns so they can learn to misuse them just like us citizens by birth.

How about these two questions, quite poignant as to the history and structure of our democratic political system:

12. What type of economic system does the U.S. have?

A: Capitalist economy
A: Free market
A: Market economy

66. What is the current minimum wage in the U.S.?

A: $5.15

If you don't have the current minimal wage memorized analyzed, you're clearly not prepared to be a citizen.

No rote memorization here either:

78. Name two rights of everyone living in the U.S.

A: Freedom of expression
A: Freedom of speech
A: Freedom of assembly
A: Freedom to petition the government
A: Freedom of worship
A: The right to bear arms

And don't bother with due process or equal protection under the law. They don't want you to learn them, and chances are they're not going to respect them anyway.

Here's a little treat for the base:

109. Name one problem that led to the Civil War.

A: Slavery
A: Economic reasons
A: States’ rights

What else do we have. See if you can see a pattern:

97. Name one famous battle from the Revolutionary War.

A: Lexington and Concord
A: Trenton
A: Princeton
A: Saratoga
A: Cowpens
A: Yorktown
A: Bunker Hill

103. Name one war fought by the United States in the 1800s.

A: War of 1812, Mexican American War, Civil War, or Spanish-American War.

113. Name one war fought in the United States in the 1900s.

A: World War I, World War II, Korean War, Vietnam War, or Gulf (or Persian Gulf) War

114. Who was President during World War I?

A: Woodrow Wilson

120. Who was President during the Great Depression and World War II?

A: Franklin Roosevelt

121. Which U.S. World War II general later became President?

A: Dwight Eisenhower

By the way, in case you may have forgotten, the current president is a War Time President, in the tradition of Woodrow Wilson, Franklin Delano Roosevelt, and Dwight Eisenhower (and not in the tradition of Lyndon Baines Johnson and Richard Nixon).

Let's do just one more:

117. What major event happened on September 11, 2001, in the United States?

A: Terrorists attacked The United States.

You knew that one was coming.

No Duh of the Week

Kelly Hearn of the Christian Science Monitor, on President Hugo Chávez's recent effort to stop beer delivery trucks from selling directly to consumers (emphasis mine):

Mr. Chávez has ordered the National Guard to stop delivery trucks from selling beer in the streets of poor neighborhoods.

Only licensed establishments can sell alcohol legally here.

[…]

This isn't the first time the Chávez government has targeted alcohol consumption. A 2005 media law bans alcohol ads on television and radio. Chávez has also promised to boost state services to treat alcoholics. And the government has blue laws that prohibit drinking in the streets while restricting the hours that licensed establishments can serving alcohol.

Yet there's an apparent gulf between laws and enforcement.

Welcome to the Land of Bolívar. ¿Quieres una fría?

El sorteo musical de los viernes

1. Orquesta Aragón, "Cuatro vidas"
2. Ñico Saquito, "Queja"
3. Manu Chao, "El viento"
4. Sean Paul featuring Debbie Nova, "International Affair"
5. Sara Jane, "Venha me amar"
6. Howling Wolf, "Mr. Airplane Man"
7. Tom Waits, "Old Shoes (and Picture Postcards)"
8. Lord Invader, "Yankee Dollar"
9. Maria Rita, "A festa"
10. Dean Martin, "Gentle on My Mind"